Mormon Jokes Made Easy (and at Home)
Sometimes the best politically incorrect jokes (in my case, mostly Mormon jokes because of where I live) just happen organically. As a professional comedian I consider these to be gifts from a higher being, like God…or George Burns (look it up if you’re too young to get it.)
Socially Acceptable Mormon Jokes…Among Mormons
A few weeks ago I cleaned out my cupboards for an upcoming garage sale (made 300 bucks, woo-hoo!), and I ran across a ceramic serving bowl that one of my sisters gave me for my birthday years ago. I love this little bowl and had forgotten all about it until I brought it out of hiding. It was handmade by a pottery artist in Portland, OR. I would love to give him or her credit for it, but for the life of me I can’t read the signature etched on the bottom of the bowl.
Anyway, both my sisters are as funny and as politically incorrect as I am (you should see when we get together for holiday dinners…we could charge admission), so we’re always on the lookout for quirky gifts—especially those that can cause embarrassment if used publicly at the most inopportune times.
Which brings me to one of the best Mormon jokes I’ve ever encountered, and it was completely by accident due to this bowl.
My Living Room is Where Great Comedy is Born
Being a non-Mormon living near the epicenter of Latter Day Saint country I have many wonderful friends who are Mormons. For some reason they tolerate me (maybe because I know a lot of Mormon jokes). I still get invited to all their funeral potato events, even though they know I’d rather ski a powder day on a Sunday than go to church. (Actually, skiing a powder IS my idea of church.)
One day I had some ladies over for lunch and one of the Mormon gals in the group regaled everyone with some of the best Mormon jokes I’ve ever heard. I won’t repeat them because like N-word jokes as told by African Americans, you can only get away with telling edgy Mormon jokes if you’re LDS.
As we all laughed until chardonnay came out our noses (except for the Mormon Joan Rivers), my hilarious Mormon buddy happened to look down into my cute little bowl, which had previously contained avocado dip. But the dip was gone, so you could read the writing emblazoned across the bottom of the inside of the bowl.
The Queen of Mormon Jokes picked up the bowl and said, “Oh my heck, Stacy, do you realize the artist spelled ‘LDS’ wrong?”
Here’s what this sweet, dyslexic lady saw:
After I wiped the wine off my chin from my alcoholic spit-take, I realized she was serious. I didn’t have the heart to explain it to her, so I just said, “Oh well, everyone makes mistakes. I guess some people just aren’t as enlightened as others.”
Oh and BTW, if you know the name of the artist that created my bowl, please let me know. I want to get my Christmas shopping done early this year. I have a lot of LDS friends to buy for.
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Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.
For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on Amazon.com.