Going Zolo

Quinn preparing for his launch

Ever wonder what it would be like to put your teenager in a life-sized hamster ball and then send it barreling down a hill? Me, too! In fact, that’s been a lifelong dream of mine ever since I brought babies into this world!

Well, fortunately, last weekend I got the opportunity to launch one of my kids as the gooey center of a big steel ball when we went to a friend’s house for dinner. This particular friend (his name is Zafod Beatlebrox, and yes that really is his legal name) is an artist/inventor and lives on 40 acres of his own private property, so he’s pretty much free to do what he wants. This wonderful isolation, as you can imagine, became the starting point for some raucous fun, especially after we’d all (the adults, I mean) pounded down a few drinks.

So sets the scene when my teenage son hopped into one of Zafod’s patented inventions, the Zolo™. You strap in your feet and waist, but your hands are free to hang on (or not) as the ball succumbs to the influence of gravity. Or if the hill is gentle, you can get a bunch of wild and crazy aging hippies* to push you. I’m guessing that anyone over 40 should also have a barf bag strapped to their face. (I say, “I’m guessing” because I wasn’t heroic enough to get in that thing. I left that up to my son.)

And even if you are young and stupid, it’s probably a NOT good idea to take a tumble right after you’ve ingested a meal or anything that expects to be digested within a reasonable amount of time once it hits your stomach. Please, I’m begging you, partake when you’re void of food. The last thing you want to do is subject your audience to a ghastly Technicolor yawn.

One final note, notice the huge bonfire burning in the background. We’d just torched a couple of old couches, because…you know, they were just sitting there, and um, well, we had to burn something. Besides, what the heck is a couch doing outside in the first place? If a piece of interior furniture is foolish enough to sneak out of the safety and comfort of a suburban living room then it deserves whatever fate befalls upon it. (Hey, that ought to be a bumper sticker!)

So without further adieu, here is my son, Quinn, going Zolo.

*Wild and crazy aging hippies not included

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Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.

For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on Amazon.com.

13 comments on Going Zolo

    1. I know! Quinn loved it. It has all the elements of stupid teenage tricks, except it was parent-controlled. Fun for the whole family…as long as your family descends from the The Munsters. (Inside TV joke for us babyboomers.)

    1. You’d be surprised at how fast a couch goes up in flames. Now I know why homes incinerate in minutes. All that furniture inside acts like kindling. Unfortunately, we didn’t toast anything over this blazing fire, nor were we toasted ourselves. Had I had more than just a cocktail I might’ve been crazy enough to get into that Zolo. Which is why I now limit myself to just one cocktail. Live and learn.

  1. Why am I not surprised to see QUINN in the cage? And hey, those old couches were probably just getting in condition for the front porch of a house inhabited by 5 college dudes. Darn.

    1. The thing that scares me about Quinn is that he does crazy things completely void of any mood altering substances. I can confidently tell you he was not under the influence of anything (when he “Zolo-ed”) except his own adventuresome personality. I’m hoping maturity counter-balances some of his more daring choices as he gets older. Either that or I’m going to have to follow him around forever. However, I’m fairly certain having a smart-mouthed mother in tow will not be his favorite accessory.

  2. LOL! That’s great!! Did he enjoy it? I did something similar in Las Vegas, but it was stationary. Three large rings all functioning together, and the way you “throw” your body makes them all, and myself, turn and rotate.

    1. Yes, Michelle, he LOVED it! The ride actually went longer, I just cut the video off after a minute. Zafod (the inventor) told him how to “throw” his body to make it move without the help of “aging hippies” but once Quinn felt the thing roll all training went out the window!

  3. That looks like some super excellent redneck fun! I laughed out loud at “and, um, well, we had to burn something.” It was so random seeing an unattended blazing couch. Great post!

    1. Yes, we here in Utah are experts on our high-quality redneck fun! I’m so glad you appreciate the non-sequitar humor of a burning couch in the background of rolling a kid around in a giant hamster ball at dusk. Some people just wouldn’t get it. If you like that, stick around. You’ll love future posts! 😉

  4. Three things: A – I want in. B – It wasn’t going nearly fast enough. C – My siblings and I, and we were all grown up, on the outside, used to take turns wedging ourselves into a giant tractor tire and flying down a hill at my sister’s farm. We didn’t let the kids play ’cause it would have been too long between our turns. D: It reminds me of a true story of a guy who strapped his hands and feet to the top and bottom of a barrel and went over Niagara Falls. Later they found only the top and bottom, hands and feet still attached.

    1. Dee, when we did this I actually thought of you and that crazy slip-n-slide you and your (grown) sibs were squirming all over at one of your recent family reunions. Where is that video? Maybe I should post it on my blog!

      As for the Zolo, you would’ve loved this thing. And I have no doubt that you and Quinn would’ve been fighting over who gets to go on it first. Next time we go out there I’ll drag you along!

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