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Mar 15

Feminism

 Feminism

Good golly, I hope I don't forget to pick up the kids again

Here’s wonderful post from the blog Defining Motherhood about what it’s really like for a working mom (isn’t that an oxymoron?) to “have it all.” If you’ve been reading my blog from the beginning, you know that I was a stand-up comic in Southern California who thought she could juggle career and kids effortlessly. I refused to be one of those whiney parents who wasn’t smart enough to schedule Gymboree play dates around regular massages and weekly winetasting parties.

What a horse’s ass I was.

Needless to say, motherhood and career didn’t mesh as well as I had so meticulously planned. (However, the unexpected result does build character.)

That’s not to say I don’t believe in feminism and the working mom. I most certainly believe in both. However, I think feminism needs to be redefined as compromise, because when a baby comes along life doesn’t continue as it did before, nor does it stop altogether. However, it does take a hard left turn in ways you never imagined, as this blog post so brilliantly demonstrates.

So if you’d like a little taste of working motherhood reality, please click below on that ever-contraversial (and still evolving) word to enjoy my guest blog post entitled:

Feminism.

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Did you like this post? If so, please click on the banner below to vote for me as a Top Mommy Blogger on TopMommyBlogger.com. I don’t win anything except a higher search engine ranking, plus bragging rights to my kids that I’m not as dorky as they think. (Okay, well maybe I am that dorky, but at least I’ll be easier to find on the Web.)

tmb 468x60 slow Feminism

Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.

For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on Amazon.com.

15 comments

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  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    YOU CAN DO IT! But only if you want to ;)

    No, I was just thinking feminism doesn’t mean working mum anyhow. You can be a working mum & the dad be at home doing nothing – that’s not feminism. Feminism I think is equality of the sexes – I think/or that’s my interpretation. Working is just necessary when you’re unsupported anyhow, so I don’t think feminism even comes into it.

    I’m intrigued now though … will click on your feminism link…

    Enjoyed your post – seeya

  2. Stacy Dymalski

    You’re right in the sense that everything you do in life is a choice and it’s up to you to decide which choices you’re going to make (and then taking responsibility for them).

    And true, the definition of feminism is NOT a working mom, however when I was in high school in the late ’70s the working mom was the poster child for feminism, which back then equated to equality of the sexes. This is why I found this guest post so darn funny and had to share it with everyone. Because no matter how equal jobs and careers become for men and women, you will never find someone like Donald Trump or Bill Gates trying to divert the sound of a breast pump in the background while on a conference call. So yes, you pegged it, the irony of this post being called “Feminism” is just too…well, ironic!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving your well-thoughtout comment. I really appreciate you taking the time to visit for a bit!

  3. creatorofstuff

    My introduction to the fun was barfing into the trash can in my office at work (from pregnancy) and then discreetly changing the liner…all day long. Now THAT’S professional. Oh, and excusing myself at a customer site – while giving a demo (!) – and sprinting (no small feat in heels) to the bathroom to – you guessed it – barf.

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      Yes, that’s another part of the “equal employment” equation that isn’t equal. When a woman with a career gets pregnant, and she chooses to remain employed throughout her pregnancy, the logistics if being pregnant becomes a work issue in and of itself. Men with babies on the way can continue their lives business as usual. There is NOTHING that can be done to change that.

  4. The Waiting

    Sometimes I think that the most freeing moments in feminism arise when we can admit that it IS difficult – if not impossible – to “have it all” but we don’t have to apologize for feeling that way.

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      Amen, Emily. I think you’re precisely right. There’s nothing wrong with striving to have it all, but if you come up short you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it; just change direction instead. I have no regrets for choosing to give up an up-and-coming comedy career when my first son was a year old. I believe then and now that it was the right thing for me to do at the time. I simply channeled my creative energies in another direction that was more conducive to me being a mom. In the end it all works out!

  5. drangedinaz

    I always thought I would be that Mom that could have it all….stupidly of course. After 3 marriages and two kids I have finally figured out that it is easier to be a single Mom than have to parent a husband too. So I no longer want it all, just 3/4. ;-)

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      I don’t think you were stupid for wanting and trying to have it all. That’s we were taught as young women (at least I was, being that I was raising on the “I-am-woman-hear-me-roar” era). You should set your goals unbelievably high. But don’t feel like a failure if you don’t meet them. Just set new goals. Who’s going to care, other than you?

      Also, I see nothing wrong with choosing single-parenthood. I grew up in a divided home and I turned out just fine. Whatever works best for you and your family is the right think to do!

  6. daisyandviolet

    LOVE! Life happens, planning is often futile!

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      You’re so right. I think compromise and being flexible are key. Nothing ever seems to turn out exactly the way you plan it. You can look at that as the frustration or the excitement of life. Personally, I’m relieved to know that even if I DON’T plan out everything that things will still turn out okay!

      1. daisyandviolet

        Flexibility is DEFINITELY key. I may not be flexible in, uh, the gymnast sort of way, but in the life sort of way… whole different story! I have a whole post entitled “Life happens, plans often don’t” lol!

        As I’ve gone through the mom journey, I’ve realized that planning often makes things way more stressful – mostly because the plans just don’t come to fruition!

        1. Stacy Dymalski

          That ought to be a bumper sticker: “Planning often makes things more difficult.” ;-)

          1. daisyandviolet

            Much better than “Baby on Board”

  7. leona

    Having it all, just does not include the Mom having a life……

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      So true! By default the kids end up BEING Mom’s life. However, now that mine are older I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is me getting back to doing things I like to do. It doesn’t happen often (that I get to do what I want), but it’s happening more often than it used to.

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