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Mar 18

Competition Comes in All Forms, But I Like Winning Blogging Awards Best

 Competition Comes in All Forms, But I Like Winning Blogging Awards Best

Can I call you back? I'm trying to get the kids into Harvard while picking up something for dinner

Yesterday I overheard two moms in the grocery store talking about the schools their kids had applied to and whether or not they thought they’d get in. I have to admit, my ears grew big on this one, since I have a junior in high school, and I know our family is destined to walk this same path any minute.

The moms in the store went on about the pains of soon having to pay thousands of dollars in annual tuition (one even thought she’d have to get a second job), but then quickly added that it was worth it because the education these prestigious schools provide would give their children the leg up they need to get ahead in life. I caught snippets of words like “academic excellence,” “high test scores,” “private school,” “financial aid,” and “French Club.”

As I lingered over the fancy cheese case, pretending to read every label on every individually wrapped hunk of Limburger, I grew increasingly frustrated that the gabbing moms still hadn’t mentioned the names of these coveted institutions of higher learning. Geez Louise, I thought, how rude of them to make me stand there and eavesdrop for so long, when I could be home spying on my neighbors instead.

“We’re dying to know if little Pugsly got in,” said one mom, obviously still too attached to her son if she’s prefacing his name with diminutive adjectives. I pictured a six-foot, smelly teenager who played linebacker on the varsity football team. “We applied for early decision, so I hope that helps.” I leaned on my shopping cart, causing it to discretely close in.

“We applied for early decision, too. But that won’t help one bit if our Carlton doesn’t get his act together and figure out how to pee in the potty.” The cart slid out from under me, and I hit the floor like a sack of cat litter, taking a pyramid of Gouda down with me.

“Oh, that,” said the other mom, as I quickly tried to rebuild the Eiffel Tower of cheese. “Pugsly isn’t potty-trained yet, either. But it’s only March, and I figure we still have until September to convince him to give up his pull-ups.”

OMG, they were talking about PRESCHOOL!

Since when does being in the right preschool guarantee your child will get into the Wharton School of Business when he turns 18? Honestly, I’d be a little more concerned that my kid had mastered scissors, and yet still preferred relieving himself after a big meal with the help of “heavy-dooty” Huggies.

This is why I love blogging awards; you don’t get them unless someone nominates you for one. What if getting into preschool were the same way?

versatilebloggeraward1 Competition Comes in All Forms, But I Like Winning Blogging Awards Best

“I’d like to nominate my neighbor’s toddler, Damien, for acceptance into the Children of the Corn Preschool, because he’s an untamed hoodlum who insists on ramming his Big Wheels into park cars WHILE terrorizing the neighborhood cats with a squirt gun. Therefore we feel he’d be perfect for Children of the Corn’s touchy-feely approach to undisciplined education. Plus, it would get that little monster off our streets for a few hours each day.”

Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening any time soon. Therefore, this obsession with getting into the “right” preschool will probably continue to the point at which parents will soon be filling out the college FAFSA, just to make sure they’re not trying to sneak Junior into a preschool that’s not conducive with the family income bracket.

sunshine award Competition Comes in All Forms, But I Like Winning Blogging Awards Best

Just as good as winning an Academy Award (okay, not really)

In the mean time, however, I will happily accept any blogging awards you wish to bestow upon me. Two of which found their way to my blog in the last couple of weeks. On March 10, Sarah Harris, who writes the Makes Me Wander blog, nominated my blog for the Sunshine Award, and on March 15, the lovely lady who writes the Good Old Girl blog nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. A sincere thank you to you both!

Since I’ve already won the Versatile Blogger Award once before, I’ll fulfill the requirements of the Sunshine Award and call it good.

Rules for the Sunshine Award

  1. Post the award picture with a backlink to the person who nominated you
  2. Answer the ten questions posed to you
  3. Pass on the award to 10 or more bloggers

Questions

  • Favorite color: Green, which is the color my face turns whenever I have to pay “extracurricular fees” for my kids to attend public school
  • Favorite animal: Cat, because I’d like to be able to give someone the finger just by lifting my tail (if I had a tail)
  • Favorite number: 1 million, the exact number of dollars it feels like it takes to run our household
  • Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Pomegranate juice…but only if there’s a little vodka in it
  • Facebook or Twitter: Twitter, because it’s the ADD child of social media
  • My passion: Writing, because I can’t afford therapy
  • Getting or giving presents: Getting…especially if it comes in a Nordstrom box
  • Favorite pattern: Male pattern baldness, but only if you can rock it like Patrick Stewart or Vin Diesel
  • Favorite day of the week: Saturday – as far from the workweek as possible (I stole this from Sarah Harris, because she’s right)
  • Favorite flower: Dandelion, because it’s so determined the dang thing grows even out of a crack in the sidewalk

Here are 10 bloggers that I nominate for the Sunshine Award. Please check out their blogs when you have a free moment (uh, whenever that is) and if you like them I strongly encourage you to hit that follow button!

  1. Defining Motherhood
  2. Young American Wisdom
  3. All That Makes You
  4. Moments Matter
  5. Dear #S&!% Baby
  6. The Real Rub
  7. Happiness Stan Lives Here
  8. Pause and Smile
  9. South of the Fork
  10. Siouxsie Law

So you 10 follow the rules as I’ve listed above, and if you don’t already follow me, for heaven’s sake what the heck are you waiting for?

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Did you like this post? If so, please click on the banner below to vote for me as a Top Mommy Blogger on TopMommyBlogger.com. I don’t win anything except a higher search engine ranking, plus bragging rights to my kids that I’m not as dorky as they think. (Okay, well maybe I am that dorky, but at least I’ll be easier to find on the Web.)

tmb 468x60 slow Competition Comes in All Forms, But I Like Winning Blogging Awards Best

Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.

For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on Amazon.com.

32 comments

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  1. Sarah Harris

    Oh my gosh, Children of the Corn Preschool – I’m dying!! :) Also thank you for the cat tail translation!! Love your point of view!

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      Thanks, Sarah! And thank you again for nominating me for The Sunshine Award. I’m so glad you’re enjoying my blog. :-)

  2. All that makes you...

    Children of the Corn Preschool! Children of the Corn Preschool!
    You stole all my answers! ;) Thanks so much and…Children of the Corn Preschool!

    I may have to get a second sticker for my car. No one would park next to me at the mall (again) if I had a sticker that said “My child is an honor student at Children of the Corn School”. My white suburban would have some street cred.

    Thanks for reading and you give me hope, that I will live through my boys teen years. That wasn’t in the they are so hormonal way but in the, “you can’t make flame throwers out of my hairspray…It was 17 bucks!”

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      I hadn’t thought of that but a “My child goes to the Children of the Corn Preschool” would make a great bumper sticker…regardless of WHERE they went to preschool!

      And for the record, I love reading your blog! Keep the stories coming!

  3. goodoldgirl

    My cat, Emily, doesn’t flip up her tail very often but she does quite frequently give me a look that I’m convinced means she thinks I’m a total moron.

    Your post reminds me of the sandbox scene from the movie Baby Boom. Too funny!

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      I know the sandbox scene from “Baby Boom” and I’m flattered that you compare my blog to that. Thank you so much!

      And as for your cat, I’m sure she loves you more than you know, even though she doesn’t act like it…kind of like teenagers. :-)

      Keep the post coming, I love reading your work!

  4. Life With The Top Down

    Why do parents have to be so weird? I know you’ve heard the term “helicopter parents”, just hovering over their kids 24/7. The (2) you sadly had to encounter, they are the “stealth bomber” parents, their poor kids don’t even know that they’re all up in their business. Did you ever hear them talk to the kids? It’s no wonder the kid isn’t potty trained, poor thing probably had to sit through a power point presentation about poop and now he is scared to death. Just let kids be kids for god sakes, bribe them with candy and they will poop on the toilet!

    I enjoyed your post, however I am having flash backs of dealing with those weirdos.

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      “…a Power Point presentation about poop…” I love it! Dang, I wish I thought of that. That’s just too good!

      But yes, parents can go overboard. It’s just preschool for God’s sake! And yes, I have heard of helicopter parents, but I like your term “stealth bomber” parents. In those cases the kids don’t stand a chance. And the ironic thing is that these weird parents do all this nonsense FOR THEIR KIDS. Just let them be kids! You’ll be surprised what happens as a result (good stuff, I promise).

      Thanks for your comment. Great minds think alike!

      1. Life With The Top Down

        Lol…the Stealth Bomber came out of a 32 year old patient who recently had surgery on her T O E. Both parents at every visit, calling constantly to report in on the “appearance” of the T O E and what the daughter was and was not eating, drinking, etc. 32? I had been through the mill and back by the time I was 32! She couldn’t even answer a question without looking for approval…very sad.

        Most likely endured the Power Point Presentation.

        1. Stacy Dymalski

          Can you imagine what will happen if this woman has to actually endure a REAL medical situation? And what’s she going to do when her parents move on to the great retirement home in the sky?

          Good golly, when I was 32 I barely remembered I HAD parents. A fact my mom constantly reminded me about because I couldn’t seem to find the time to call home as often as she would’ve liked.

  5. Carol H. Rives

    Stacy… thanks so very very much for the award; I’m quite honored with it coming from you! Your writing is so spot-on, and the fact that it’s about what’s in all of our faces, daily, makes it so comical.

    Again, thank you so much and I will get on with following the rules and completing the steps sometime tomorrow…

    Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      You’re welcome! Just keep writing. I love reading your blog, too!

  6. siouxsielaw

    Aww. Thanks so much for the nod. I’ve never been associated with anything sunny or sunshiny. So, thank you!

    PS. I heard that the preschool that you heard those ladies talking about has a huge drug problem. No way would I send my kid there. Those toddlers are bad news.

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      Sister, I LOVE your writing. I’m a little twisted myself, so I’m happy to have stumbled across your blog. Your writing is spot on and your stories are darkly amusing. My kind of entertainment. Keep it up!

  7. mommyeverything1

    OMG LOVED this! I will never forget when someone told me mandarin was the new “it” language for toddlers. I could barely get mine to speak English at the time. Parents are totally ruining kids today. Pre-k used to be fun, it was about coloring and watching the weird kids eat play dough. Now they get homework and speak mandarin!!

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      I’m laughing as I read your comment. Mandarin the new “it” language for toddlers? Are you kidding me? They can’t even conjugate verbs let alone pee in the potty. Oh geez. I hadn’t heard that, but it doesn’t surprise me. Just let kids be kids and put the money in a college savings plan, for pity’s sake! (Am I brilliant, or what?)

      Thanks so much for your comment. It made my day! (Mandarin…OMG!)

  8. jeandayfriday

    Congrats on your awards! I am enjoying reading your blog. :)

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      Thank you so much! I appreciate you reading my blog and taking the time to comment. At the risk of being pretentious, if you like my posts, you’ll love my book “Confessions of a Band Geek Mom” which is more of the same type of humor as the blog posts, but in book chapter format. It’s available on both the Kindle and as a book on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Band-Geek-Mom-exhausted/dp/0615474993/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1304446183&sr=1-1.

      Thanks again for stopping by my blog. I really appreciate it! Come back again soon!

      1. jeandayfriday

        I am heading to Amazon right now! :)

  9. familydocinthecity

    Love this post!!! You have to watch a fabulous documentary called “Nursery University”. You can watch the trailer here: http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/independent/nurseryuniversity/

    Congrats on the award!

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      OMG, I clicked on your link above and watched the trailer for the movie and I love it! I want to see the entire movie! How do I do that? It was unclear from the link how I can download the entire film. Do I go to iTunes and search on it?

      Thanks so much for the recommendation. I definitely want to watch this movie! I’m pretty sure I will love it.

      1. familydocinthecity

        I have a friend who worked at a film festival and saw it that way. You can buy it or rent it on iTunes. I highly recommend spending the few bucks to see it.

        http://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/nursery-university/id316135034?ign-mpt=uo%3D4&name=trailers

      2. familydocinthecity

        alternatively, i could get my husband to make you a copy and put it in the mail.

        1. Stacy Dymalski

          I appreciate that, but I will definitely go to iTunes and purchase or rent it. Thanks for the link.

  10. Dee Macaluso

    I’m thinking of going back to pre-school. I would totally kick ass. I know a lot of words and I’ve learned to use them instead of a Barbie to the skull. I’m also toilet trained, although that may go at any moment. My parents, if they were alive, would be so proud of me. I still give myself a piece of candy every time I make doo doo in the potty.

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      I find that the administering a Barbie to the skull to anyone who is not paying full attention is still pretty effective. Especially at the DMV.

      And as far as giving myself a piece of candy every time I make a doo doo in the potty, well, I like candy a lot and want it more than just a couple of times a week! ;-)

  11. youngamericanwisdom.com

    I sent my kids to preschool so someone else could potty train them…is that wrong? But in all seriousness, congratulations to you on a well deserved award. I’m enjoying your blog and laughing along with you.
    Thanks a million for the mention and nomination. Hot damn, you’ve made my day! :)

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      You’re entirely welcome. I’m enjoying your blog, too, and hope that winning this award gets you even more readers!

      And yes, I thought preschool was for learning the basics, like peeing in the potty and not biting your neighbor. Who knew I was supposed to teach my kid that stuff? Sheesh! Can somebody PLEASE hand me the parenting rule book? ;-)

  12. The Waiting

    I’m glad to see that I’m not the only lurker at the grocery store! And the fancy cheese aisle is the best place to lurk if for no other reason than there may be some samples of brie out.

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      You’d be surprised at how much you can find out in the fancy cheese aisle in the grocery store! Supposedly that’s where all the parents of “gifted” children hand out! ;-)

  13. leona

    Parenting is a competitive sport these days. When your child wins, the parent wins. It is a crazy world out there.

    1. Stacy Dymalski

      I never looked at it that way, but you’re absolutely right! It does seem like it’s “us against them” when it comes to parents and kids, but the reality is if your child comes out a winner in the end you did your job right, no matter what path you took. Yes. It’s crazy.

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