Bonehead Onboard

Okay, I have to write a quick post today to voice my annoyance of the overuse of those child accomplishment bumper stickers that people put on their cars. You know, like My child is an honor student at Tiny Tater Tots Preschool for the Gifted and Barely Verbal. As if reinforcing the fact that you have no life because you have kids is cause for célèbre.

The ironic thing about this is just last Saturday I read a great blog post on The Waiting (one of my favorite funny blogs). The post is called Things I’d like to Retire and number four on that hit parade is Family Car Decals, like “Baby Onboard” or “I Break for Unicorns,” which I actually saw on a car while vacationing in Portland, OR. (Granted, this second one isn’t really a family decal except that you can BET some little girl going through a fairy princess phase convinced her defenseless—when it comes to his daughter—daddy to put it on the back of his Lincoln Navigator right above his Ron Paul for President bumper sticker.)

Get them for the whole neighborhood!

Then, as if the universe were trying to screw with my head, damned if I didn’t go out for bagels the very next morning and saw a bumper sticker on an old Ford Aerostar that read (I kid you not), My child is super duper pooper.

I just about rammed into the back of that mini-van while tailgating it to make sure I’d read that right.

This HAD to be a joke, right? Who the hell advertises when their kid takes a dump? I mean, come on, yes it’s a milestone when you get your child to do number two in the potty, but does the community really need to share in that accomplishment? I’m well into middle age now and let me tell you there are some days when THAT really IS an accomplishment for me, but I don’t take out ad space on a billboard or Tweet about it.

And here’s the REALLY ridiculous part of the story (as if the bumper sticker ALONE weren’t crazy enough). When I pulled up next to the Aerostar at a red light, there were two teenage boys in the backseat! So either this family was the coolest, hippest, drollest bunch this side of Daniel Tosh or else those boys were such painfully shy underachievers that Mom had to go to great lengths to boost their low self-esteem. Because honest to God, my teenagers would pry the bumper off with a crowbar before they’d let any of us ride around town in a car that advertised the quality of their bowel movements.

But given that we’ve become a society that rewards kids with trophies for merely playing on a team, I could see these bumper stickers going either way; inside joke or serious accolade. (And in this case, I wasn’t exactly sure.) If the latter, can you imagine what those boys are going to be like as adults? To be married to a guy who was rewarded by his mother for doing things as mundane as releasing bodily solids up until the time he left home?

In French it's even more pretentious

Husband: Honey, look! I sharpened all the pencils in the house today! Oh wait, this one’s a pen…

Wife: Uh, yeah, that’s great. Did you remember to do the taxes?

Husband: Now how could I do the taxes without a sharp pencil? You always criticize me without acknowledging my accomplishments. I busted my ass to sharpen these pencils. Do you know how many things you can do with a sharp pencil?

Wife: I can think of one thing I’d like to do that involves your ass and a sharp pencil…

Given that we may have spawned a new generation of entitlement that must be acknowledged at every turn, maybe it’s time for some new bumper stickers. Whether it was meant in jest or not, My child is a super duper pooper made me laugh. So if you’re going to flaunt your child’s less than stellar activities at me while I’m forced to sit captive behind you in traffic, then by golly your efforts better put a smile on my face. Might I suggest you adorn your bumper with, My son’s sleeping with your A student?  Or maybe something more timely like, Uninsured, unemployed college graduate onboard. Or my favorite, My adult child lives in my basement, but he’s not a serial killer.

Hmm. I’m getting some inspiration here. So if you’ll excuse me, I need to go start my own line of bumper stickers and greeting cards. Obviously, I’m missing my calling.


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Stacy Dymalski is a stand-up comic who gave up the glamorous life of coach travel, smokey comedy clubs, and heckling drunks for the glamourous life of raising kids (who happen to be bigger hecklers than the drunks). This blog is her new stage.

For more of Stacy’s comedy check out her hilarious book Confessions of a Band Geek Mom available in paperback and on Kindle on

271 comments on Bonehead Onboard

    1. I never thought of it that way, Dee, but you’re right! Bumper stickers are the social media of the road. And as such, these people better have something interesting to say (with their bumper stickers) or I just might have to “de-friend” them with an age-old gesture that indicates my displeasure. 😉

        1. I think that’s the key…to write down the bumper stickers you see and then share them with others later. I know what you mean, I’ve seen some pretty weird bumper stickers that make me both laugh and cringe, but then I can’t remember them later (mainly because my brain is full of my kids’ schedules). However, I just COULD NOT forget “My child is super duper pooper.” That one is burned into my memory for life! 😀

      1. Oooh I like that idea. “That wasn’t road rage officer – I was just unfriending him from MyRoad!”

        Also I am so confused by the sudden popularity of those stick figure stickers you’ve got pictured up there (which is what caught my attention for this post) – I mean… what… what is point? Are we just trying to save census takers time now? “I have a husband, three children, two cats and a dog.” I… okay? Good for you? I kind of want to make my own. Possibly me and a cthulhu-cat. Or me and an axe. Or me and a two-headed cat. Like I don’t make people look at me oddly enough to begin with but they beg for something darwin-fish-like… although of course tragically, then they’d become all popular and ironic to use too and then we’d be back where we started.

        Shit, it’s worse than social media… bumper stickers are the *memes* of the road!

      1. Wouldn’t that be nice? Maybe the DMV could hand them out with the registration of your car. You’re only allows so many and then after that you get pulled over and ticketed. The crime? Obnoxious bumper behavior.

  1. My husband jokes that he wants to get a bumper sticker that just says, “Proud Parent of a Child.” That’s a bit more realistic.

    Also, even if the parent IS indeed proud of her boys’ pooping accomplishments, how sad does that make her? I mean, what did she take pride in prior to having kids? Popping her own pimples? How do these people even meet others and make babies with them? I know, a lot of questions. Such are the workings of my brain.

    Needless to say, awesome post 🙂

    1. Emily, I couldn’t believe I saw the “My child is a super duper pooper” bumper sticker RIGHT AFTER I read your post! How weird was that? I swear people will put just about anything on their cars these days. But that one takes the cake. And for the record, if you have to put something on your bumper, I love your husband’s idea to just put “Proud parent of a child.” That pretty much sums it up.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. (And I look forward to more inspiration from you posts.)

        1. I know, can you believe it? I didn’t even know I was on Freshly Pressed until a bunch of comments started coming in congratulating me on making Freshly Pressed. Pretty cool! And I owe it all to you. Your blog about the things we should retire was the inspiration for “Bonehead Onboard”. Proof that reading other people’s blogs really does lead to success. Thanks so much for being a great inspiration.

    1. This is such a fun post! It really gets the crative juices flowing. “I am the proud ower of a over-grooming, hairball yacking cat.”
      Once we get into pets and hobbies, the options for silliness are limitless!
      A wonderful choice for FP! The Best to You! AmberLena

      1. Since cat people are prone to talking about poop, I can think of a few…
        Being a cat person, I had a Meow decal on the back window of my LeBaron convertible. Nice and simple. I have been hoarding an “I my Russian Blue” bumper sticker for ages and have been debating whether to park it on my n’used red Solara convertible. Rethinking.
        I’m ready to ram those stick figures and the Baby on Board (Ooooo be careful, tiptoe around my car…).
        Great post.

  2. I am soooo glad you brought this up. It has really been bothering me. I have NOT seen the super duper deal but OMG! Who freaking puts the name of your kids on the family car. Makes it just a tad too easy for Paul Ped O’Phile to intercept your offspring as they leave school…

    I love a good hump day laugh.


    1. I totally agree, Hillary! We teach our kids all this “stranger danger” stuff and then we blab their names, schools, and accomplishments on the backends of our cars! While we’re at it, why not put their cell phone numbers and email addresses on there, too! Are we the only ones who see the irony in that? Sheesh!

  3. “To be married to a guy who was rewarded by his mother for doing things as mundane as releasing bodily solids up until the time he left home?” LOL! How about a bumper sticker for the mom that says, “My son’s wife agrees… My son is a super pooper!”

    1. Missy, you’ve just given me a great idea. I think society needs to combine the mommy tattoos with the bumper stickers and just cut out the car as the middleman. Then you can have your proud sentiments for your child tattooed on your face for everyone to see. Just think how wonderful you’ll look in your child’s wedding pictures. 😉

  4. Love this! The decals and stickers can go. Now please! And they’re a driving hazard. You have to get closer than driving regulations stipulate just to be able to read the damn things.

    1. You’re absolutely right, Kat! They ARE distracting. I wonder how that would work in a lawsuit if someone blamed the car IN FRONT of a rear-ending accident, because the guy who did the rear-ending said he was distracted by the front car’s bumper sticker. Does that make sense? I can’t believe someone hasn’t tried that little bit of backward logic in court yet to get out of being liable for an accident. (P.S. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Kat. I really appreciate it!)

  5. Wow — the timing! I just saw a car with “The Ass Family” yesterday. I really wondered to myself, “Who would call themselves asses like that?” And as a mother, the bigger question for me was, “Who would call THEIR CHILDREN asses like that?”

    I guess that’s just art imitating life. THOSE people would do that. And they did. But I won’t…

    I’m all about humor. I LOVE humor. I blog about humor. But seriously: These stickers all need to die.

    1. I know, right? I thought the same thing! “The Ass Family”? Really? What kind of message does that send to your kids? And honestly, doesn’t that give them ammunition to snap right back at you when you yell at them in your chicken voice: “Don’t be such an ass”? Well, of course they’re being asses. You advertise that THEY all are on the back of your car! (Duhhh….)

  6. Great post and congrats on the fresh press. I dislike bumper stickers. I refuse to put them on my car and if I were to ever find one on it I would hunt down the culprit. This does happen at times, a vandal ment to spread the word about canidate “x” or something decides to raid a parking lot woth a stash of bumper stickers.

    1. Thanks! I didn’t even realize my post was on Fresh Press until I read your comment! Until then I thought, “Wow, why are all these people suddenly posting on my blog? How cool!”

      And yes, I hate when I get spammed with a bumper sticker. I once had someone put a “Vote YES on Prop 69” sticker on my car. Sixty-nine? Seriously? I’m sure it was a joke, since we had no election coming up. I broke three of my fingernails getting that sucker off the car. That jerk owes me a manicure.

  7. So glad for me that you were Freshly Pressed! Now I know where to look for a fabulous laugh!! Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    First off ~ Congratulations! Secondly, that post has got to be one of the funniest, albeit truthful, all wrapped up in one!

    I absolutely love your suggestions for future bumper stickers! Kudos!!

    1. Thanks, Carol! I’m so glad you enjoyed my post. I’m honored that you think it’s one of the funniest you’ve read! But honestly, the best humor I find is in the people around me. Sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up!

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope you come back again. 🙂

      1. I definitely will return, Stacey! You are correct; sometime you just can’t make this stuff up, and I think that’s what makes it so darned hilarious! It’s right there smacking you in the face saying, “can you believe this!?!?!”

  8. I once saw a shirt online which said ‘My dick is bigger than your honor student.’

    I also get pissed when I see such bumper stickers. it sounds so arrogant and it makes me wonder to run them off of the road.

    I have a family of kids who are halfway mentally retarded and I love them dearly. (wife didn’t have good genes)

    1. Thank you so much! I didn’t even know my blog got posted on Freshly Pressed today until I saw all your comments. What a thrill!

      And I’m so glad you enjoyed my post. Thank you for stopping by, I hope you come back on a regular basis. I’d love to make you laugh again in the future. 🙂

  9. you’re pretty funny for a comic…usually though I find people who are funny without having to call themselves “comics” are usually more funny…and far cheaper cause the only difference is that when a “comic” thinks of something funny she squirrels it away into a box only to be used in front of an audience for money…am I right? I mean, if we can’t afford comedy it’s just tough shit or we have to make up our own…right? It’s America…I know…I can be as funny or as stupid as I need to be and my governent with protect my right to do so with missles, armies and wicked cool advanced surveillance until the cows come home or….more likely…they don’t and we’ll be gone before we ever realize that they haven’t cause they won’t cause they can’t cause they’re lost and hopelessly dispersed and hungry amd miserabe…am I rambling? What I really wanted to say is: “thanks for a free laugh…” Does your husband spank you as much as he should…? I’m only asking to ensure that I have a good picture of the overall paradigm…I mean rarely are the kids the “real” problem…I hate most bumper stickers though and think nothing of ramming cars with stickers I don’t like because whenever I’m in a car it is most definitely containing an uninsured college graduate who’s pissed about everything and is afraid he may trun into a mad therapist killer…fortunately I”m not a killer but it would be fun if we could tie them to chairs and make them squeak Freudiisms and squirt them in the eye with water pistols every time…don’t you think…? We could even get therapists to do it voluntarily for “research purposes” you know? They love that shit….maybe I”ll get some sun today….I’m not armed or anything or thinking of hurting myself…just felt like “talking” please don’t report me….

    1. I’m so glad I could convey what you’re thinking! So many times I see something a little off and I wonder, “Am I the only one who thinks this is insane?” Turns out I’m not. I’m so happy to be in the company of so many highly-evolved people.

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope you wander back sometime soon for future laughs. I try to post every Monday (sometimes Tuesday, if life gets too crazy). And I really appreciate your comment!!

      1. If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve asked “Is it just me, or…?” in the last year, I’d be a millionaire! Thanks again for your insightful writing! I’ll be back!

  10. This is too awesome! Seriously, there are some insipid bumperstickers out there, particularly in regard to children. Heretofore, I hadn’t encountered “Super-Duper Pooper,” but on reflection, it makes me a little less disapproving of “My kid can beat up your honor student.”

    Although unrelated to kids, I once saw the following two bumper-stickers on the same car, on opposite sides of the bumper.
    1) Honk if you love Jesus.
    2) Men come in three sizes: small, medium and OH MY GOD!

    1. Okay, so the person who has those two bumper stickers that you mention in your comment above is either ultra cool and hip, or so scary you want to keep at least three car lengths away from them at all times. Either that or the car is owned by a 75 year-old Bible thumper who lends out her wheels to her unemployed, recent college-grad granddaughter. Hmmm….do you think I might be over-thinking this?

      Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate you stopping by my blog. I hope you come back again soon for more laughs (I try to post every Monday. I figure laughing is a great way to start the week!)

    1. Oh, that’s too funny. That’s why Tosh is the MASTER!

      But seriously, can you imagine if you were the person with whom “Mr-I-lost-my-virginity-on-2-23-2001” was taking about on his car sticker? I’d be like, “Uh, please don’t ever drive over to my house when my mom is home, okay?”

      Thanks for your comment, and for stopping by my blog. I really appreciate it!

  11. Loved it! I remember when these bumper stickers started coming out (I’m 43…mYbe I should put my age on a bumper sticker? Why not?). I laughed audibly one day about 7 years later, when I saw my first, “My child beat up your honor student” sticker. I wanted to give that stickers creator a juicy kiss!

    Hurry with your line of bumperstickers. I’ll buy a handful or two!

    1. So who do you think the marketing genius was that first came up with the family car bumper sticker? I remember seeing political bumper stickers when I was a kid (but they were actually kind of rare). Then one day we started seeing these “My kid is better than your kid” type bumper stickers on station wagons and minivans, however I can’t really pinpoint when that was. The irony is that when a kid finally gets old enough to realize what these bumper stickers are about, they cringe because they can’t believe they have a mom (or dad) that geeky!

      And yes, I just might have a career back-up with a line of smarty pants bumper stickers. I’ll keep you posted. 😉

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! And I really appreciate your comment.

  12. I am suspicious of the teens in the “Super Pooper ” mini van… son’s friends put an idiotic sticker on their mom’s car & she didnt notice it for weeks !
    Great post !

    1. You know, I thought about that. I wondered if the boys in the car were punking their unsuspecting parents by putting that nerdy bumper sticker on their family car. But then I decided I was giving the kids TOO much credit. Because that bumper sticker was so hideous, and at least one of those boys was of driving age. I just couldn’t image if the kid were driving alone wanting to be seen in a car that advertised him as a super duper pooper. But then again, I could be wrong…

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I really appreciate you reading my post and then commenting. I hope you come back again soon for a good laugh!

  13. Very interesting post. I think it exemplifies and it more than simply touches the truth about bumper stickers and one of the many ways in which society demonstrates pretentiousness. To be honest, I have never understood nor actually focused upon the exaggeration of oneself or their abilities. I think bumper stickers are another great example of the unfortunate situation in today’s society: How many people have a too big of an ego along with being far too conceited, snobby and materialistic. I think it is about time for people to start appreciating and recognizing the simple beauties and pleasures in life such as-a delicious cup of coffee or tea, taking a nice relaxing walk, a good meal, a hug, the sunshine, etc.

    1. Here, here! I can honestly say that one of my little joys in life is that first morning sip of coffee. I actually look forward to it before I even get out of bed. Simple, but wonderful.

      Although I’m sure some people who put family chatter bumper stickers on their cars enjoy the things you mention, I really don’t think they need to inform us of every little bodily function their kids emit. What I do love, however, are bumper stickers that make me laugh. After all, I have to have something to do while I sit in traffic, right?

      Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it and hope you come by again in the future.

  14. Ha! Love it. Trying to imagine when I was a child my mother putting that bumper sticker on her red Chevy…nope can’t even imagine it. I remember once as a joke I gave her a “My Child Beat Up Your Honor Student” bumper sticker because she always huffed with disgust whenever she saw a car with the “My Child is an Honor Student at blah blah” stickers. She didn’t put it on her car– but she DID display it in her home office and I’m pretty sure it’s still there:) Very funny post! 🙂

    1. Thanks, Jessie. I’m so glad you enjoyed my post. And I have to agree with your mom. I don’t like to put bumper stickers on my car, even though I appreciate a good one that makes me laugh. There’s just something about defacing an item that I paid thousands of dollars for that feels weird.

      I appreciate you stopping by my blog and commenting. I hope you come back soon for more laughs!

    1. Thanks, Raaj, for your kind comment about my post. I’m so glad that you stopped by and that you enjoyed reading my blog. I hope you come back in the future for more laughs. I love when I can brighten someone’s day with humor. THAT makes my day. 🙂

  15. I saw a post once in which some said that those family decals like the ones pictured at the top of this post were advertisements for the number of times that birth control fails. Now it is a running joke between my roommate and I anytime we drive together.

    1. That’s a good one! I have never heard about or seen a family decal/bumper sticker that says “Number of times birth control failed.” Given all the hubbub in the news lately about birth control and politics, maybe there should be a bumper sticker with a line of stick figure kids that says “Your birth control is obviously better than mine.”

  16. Congratulations on getting Freshly Pressed! In our apartment complex parking lot there’s a car with a bumper sticker that reads, “I poke badgers with spoons.” I thought that was pretty funny.

  17. This was a freaking hilarious post! You are so right. It is really idiotic the things people publicize about their kids, or their lives. You got the nail right on the head.

  18. Nice post! Did you ever see the photo (think it was at where the guy has the family stick figure on the back of his SUV (like you have in your picture up top) and the mother figure had a big white X thru her with the following words above it- “job open apply inside”

    I bet the women were just LINING UP behind his vehicle! 😉

  19. Every redlight I absent-mindedly go through the list of accomplishments of the children and college students of the parents in the car in front of me.

    People can’t stop talking about their accomplishments and shove their kids accomplishments down your throat in person, so for all those they don’t talk to they need to communicate it on their car. Its a ridiculous addiction to attention.

  20. Great post! When I see those decals, they seem to scream, “Hey, if you’re a child predator, just follow me home. I’m posting the menu on my car for your shopping convenience.”

    1. I totally agree! I thought the same thing. However, I like your metaphor of a take-out menu for child predators. (LOL) There are a ton of “drive-through” jokes along those lines, too! (I like your off-beat sense of humor, Jacinda. We’re definitely in synch.)

    1. What is it about the back end of a car that makes people want to adorn it with the most ridiculous stuff? Those mud flaps are the worst! And the best part? Any car or truck with those mud flaps is usually driven someone who could NEVER get a date with the type of lady depicted on those mud flaps!

  21. I love it!! This had me laughing so hard. But it is true, we celebrate the mundane now. I once saw a bumper sticker that said “My kid sold your honor student drugs” I wanted to follow the car and buy a bag, but I’m a bit beyond that point in my life now. Lol 🙂

    1. Flags are one thing (I’m okay with flags), but when you use the back end of your car to announce your child’s bodily functions, well, all that does is give the rest of us a good laugh! Honestly, would you ever see a “Super Duper Pooper” bumper sticker on a car in Canada? There’s something about us Americans that we think everything we do is a monumental accomplishment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go clip my toenails, and then I’m going to tweet about it.

  22. This is hilarious! I can’t wait to read archive posts! When I was pregnant I worked with a guy who was also a stand up comedian with a pregnant wife due 1 week before me so every week I got a hilarious run-down of what I’d e facing that week based on his world. Humor is the best gift ever! I am your newest fan!

    1. Thank you so much, Sarah! I appreciate you reading my blog AND commenting about it. And at the risk of being presumptuous, if you like my posts, you’ll love my book “Confessions of a Band Geek Mom.” It’s more of the same, but in longer (chapter) format (so I can really delve into the things that drive me crazy). You can find it on Amazon at

      Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you come back soon to enjoy new posts. 😀

  23. On a trip to San Fran a while back I got to visit the City Lights Bookstore. I got a HOWL bumper sticker and yes, I did put it on my car when I got back home in Australia. I don’t know whether most people over here are familiar with Ginsberg, writing or books in general but there are an awful lot of young boys who like to put their heads out the window when they overtake me and howl like banshees. Maybe I should rip it off and put one on that says “Throw Money at My Car”. Cheers Sue

    1. Actually, Sue, now that you mention it I love the idea of putting bumper stickers on your car that same things that you REALLY mean, like your suggestion of “Throw money at my car.” Or how about, “Call me for an interview because I hate my current job.” OR “My boss is a jerk, but don’t tell him I said so.” OR “I had a dream that cheated on my husband, but woke up and immediately discovered it wasn’t a dream.” (I could go on forever. Thanks for the inspiration!)

    1. I went and checked out your bumper stick blog post and you are dead on right! As bad as the family bumper stickers are, the political ones are EVEN WORSE. Thanks for stopping by my blog and giving me your link. EVerybody loves a good rant every so often!

  24. Awesome. I’m a parent too and I can’t stand these stickers or car tattoos. They may be the reasons why people snap at red lights. Road rage for sure. Thanks for the laugh.

    1. Car tattoos! I love it. I wish I’d thought of that, especially since I did an earlier post about Mommy Tattoos, where moms tattoos their kids footprints, sonograms, and baby pictures on their bodies. I tell you my sons would disown me if I had ever done that! But you’re right, a bumper sticker is kind of like a car tattoo.

      Thanks for reading my post and leaving a comment. I appreciate you stopping by and hanging out!

  25. Being well into the aging baby boomer generation I’m beginning to understand the need to recognize routine accomplishment. “Senior Onboard Who Woke Up Breathing Today!” comes to mind. I suppose when I become a member of the Depends generation I could also use those stickers, “Super Duper Senior Pooper Onboard”. I guess the recognition of body functions in general becomes an importance the older one gets as much as when we started out life. All three of my contribution to the survival of our species took pride when they succeeded in their toilet training to the point of running around the house to get their mom and dad to witness their accomplishment in the bowl. I can see the same thing on the horizon for myself someday (although my kids will likely not be available to witness that welcomed event). Maybe I can just sum it all up with one bumper sticker.. or a bobblehead figure holding a sign in the rear window… “Old, Tired, Been-There-Seen-It-All, Ignored, Gun-Totting (but can’t pull the trigger anymore), Type II, Senior Onboard”

    1. I love your bumper sticker idea! Wish I’d thought of that. You could make the bumper sticker SO LONG that it goes all the way across your bumper from one end to the other.

      And for the record, if I saw a Super Duper Pooper bumper sticker on a car driven by an aging baby boomer, I’d just assume he or she was bragging.

    1. Merci beaucoup! I lived in France for year on an educational exchange program and i never once saw a bumper sticker on a car in Paris. Granted that was like a million years ago, but I suspect the French would find mundane kid accomplishment bumper stickers tres stupide!

  26. It’s all funny but true. Good post. I have seen some funny bumper stickers and so I guess that is some entertainment for the car stuck behind. As for Baby on Board etc, what a load of crap. These have been going before Facebook took off so I guess we can’t lay the blame there for that sticker. I’d rather see a sticker saying Driver on Board even though that’s stating the obvious. Most stickers now seem to be in the same slot as Facebook posts; crying for attention with information boring as bat shit. I’d like some sort of reply sign I can type on the spot (flashing neon held out window or on roof like a cab?) saying Tell Someone Who Cares. I have 3 kids. Bruce

    1. I totally agree with you, Bruce. I think the people who use bumper stickers to tell us every little detail of their life just haven’t figured out Facebook or Twitter yet.

      And yes, let’s see some truth in advertising in bumper stickers like, “Driver onboard paying absolutely no attention to the road, so don’t honk at me.” OR “Please don’t bother me I’m on an important call right now.” I mean, come on, let’s just be honest if we’re going to share too much information. 😉

  27. Thanks for the laugh! The stick people family is nothing but a diversion for me. I find myself dissecting the family dynamic at a red light, it is exhausting!!!! “Oh, the dad has a briefcase,the mom has 2 shopping bags, the daughter is a princess and the boy plays soccer.” Lets break that down….dad is the bread winner, most likely shacking up with a co-worker on those late nights; mom shops till she drops, spends more than hubby makes and could care less that he is shacking up as long as there is direct deposit..she’s good. My my the princess, learning from the master (her mother) on how to get whatever she can from her first boyfriend…daddy and poor junior is just carted from one team to the next trying to find his place, while his father lives vicariously through his accomplishments.” God help me if there is a cat of dog sticker or dare I say 2 cats. I do have a Mean People Suck bumper sticker, however it hangs in my office as an unspoken reminder. This post really hit home, I totally enjoyed it!

    1. Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed my post. And I absolutely LOVE how you conjure up an entire back story from seeing those stick figure bumper stickers on cars! That is so cool! I can only image the creativity that swirls around in your head ALL DAY LONG!

      Also, I know what you mean about reading and deciphering what you see on cars while sitting at a read light. I do the same thing with personalized license plates that aren’t obvious. It’s like a game show trying to figure out what they say. Pretty soon I find myself following the person with the goofy plate until I can figure out what it says. And then suddenly I’m lost or late…or both. Go figure.

  28. I hate the child bumper stickers too, but I kind of like the unicorn one. I see it more as a sarcastic sticker that really says, “I break for no one, haha!”

    1. Yes, you’re right. “I break for unicorns,” pretty much means, “get out my way if you know what’s good for you.” Hey, at least it’s honest (in a round about way).

  29. I can’t stand those stick figure family stickers…they’re so freaking annoying. However, I couldn’t resist purchasing myself a set of zombie stick figure stickers.

        1. Thanks for the tip! We do have Spencer Gifts here at one of our malls. I will definitely check that out. I don’t think I’ll put it on my car, but it certainly deserves a place on my office wall.

          1. normally I wouldn’t put anything on my car, but someone crashed into my sister when she borrowed it last year and, while it was paid for completely by the other person’s insurance and looks brand new, it’s pretty much worth zip…so I say bring on the zombie stickers

  30. This is hilarious and totally true with bumper stickers. The ones that make me laugh are the collection stickers some gas guzzler car has that suposidily declares them “a good Christian person”. But in actuality they drive like crap by speeding, rudely cut others off on the road almost causing an accident and giving you the finger if they don’t get their way. Morons.

  31. here’s my family photo of stick figures on my blog
    and nope, i don’t have that same kind as a sticker on my suv haha.. but i think i should update it, cause i now have a kitty as a new member of the family.. now how to draw a kiitty.. anyway, i love your post.. if i see a really annoying sticker, i’m just thankful that it’s not on my suv.. haha

  32. You know those family member decals, where parents identify each of their children, their gender, their interests and their names on a car that is parked right outside of their house, in a neighborhood where they play? First of all, geniuses, right? Second of all, I once saw one on an old worn down Honda civic (the car of the single, twenty- or thirty-something) that was just one dude, by himself, with a name like Dave or Steve underneath. I’m not a hipster, but I love irony. Seemed like you would too.

  33. There are people out there who throw their lives away on their children and make a big song about it; these people are a waste of space. I feel sorry for their kids because now they have all the pressure to live to the expectations of their parents who want to live vicariously through them. Parents who can maintain a sense of realism and humour about parenthood get my vote.

  34. Great post! The only bumper stickers my parents put on their cards were the stickers you had to actually stick inside the car window which advertised the schools my sister and I went to–which I think is rather harmless. Nothing about honor students or being an athlete or anything about our extracurricular activities. Thank God!

  35. I almost fell out of my chair laughing! Thanks for posting!
    I love to laugh at the random (and sometimes obnoxious) bumper stickers that I see on cars. I never had thought about them in this way though – thank you for the insight!! 🙂

  36. Great post! We have those stupid stickers in Australia too. It always amuses me that the majority of the black SUV’s driving around will have these little ballerina girls and boys either holding a surfboard or on a bike, with a dog and cat on there next to a glamorous looking cartoon Mum and a Dad with a briefcase.
    They make me feel quite inadequate as I drive my ADHD, ODD, AD child to school after fighting with him to simply achieve the goal of sitting still for 2 minutes together, and my hair is in a complete mess and I haven’t had time to have a shower that morning or put anything better on my back than a jumper (sweatshirt) and some track pants!
    Stupid stickers… ruining my life…

  37. Well, it seems pretty clear to me that it’s meant as a joke, but at least it gave you something to blog about. Congrats on being FP! Hey, you could make a bumper sticker: I’VE BEEN FP’ed! Or maybe HONK IF YOU’VE BEEN FP’ed!

  38. Love it! Brilliant post! Parenting in suburbia is all about the bragging. Forget the bumper stickers. If it wasnt for the code compliance and subdivision bylaws we would all have billboards up in our front yards proclaiming the miraculous wonders of our merely ordinary and average accomplishments…woo hoo…I pushed four kids out of my body…then helped them learn how to use a toliet…eventually…sometimes we eat toast…yay me…

  39. Ha! This was an awesome post! I definitely like the “My Son’s Sleeping with Your A Student” bumper sticker. That would be hilarious!
    To add some insight on the super duper pooper thing, I’m a 16-year-old and I definitely wouldn’t be embarrassed about having that on the back of our van. I would just laugh. It was either that these kids were like me OR their mom was just trying to embarrass them…or maybe there was a little brother or sister who just wasn’t in the car that day.
    But honestly, my generation’s a tad bit crazy. We’re not really embarrassed of stuff like that. Well, not most of us. You should see the personal info people post on facebook and twitter. You’d be surprised. I’ve seen “Trying to take a dumb” many a time in my newsfeed.

  40. Hi Stacy,

    Lucky your post appeared in ‘Freshly Pressed’ or I would have missed this great read!

    I’m from Australia and hate to confirm these stickers are also stupidly popular here. (I even heard a nasty rumour that they originated from a state here called Queensland – I hope that’s not true!)

    But I thought I’d share with you the best car stickers I’ve seen in Australia (possibly reflecting our slightly twisted sense of humour) which showed a pedestrian symbol, a wheelchair and a bicycle with tallys next to them, presumably reflecting the amount of ‘hits’ this particular vehicle had made.

    Slightly wrong, but it made me laugh!

  41. Priceless!
    We have somehow managed to convince ourselves that it is perfecty acceptable to share every aspect of our personal lives with the world (and it would appear for some, with no exceptions).

  42. Haha! This is so true! I live in Miami, and goodness, who doesn’t have one around here! But to make matters worse, there are people who adorn their cars with so many bumper stickers you can’t even see the color of the car! It’s ridiculous.

    I sell Mary Kay, and as much as my dad supports me in my business and all he won’t allow me to even put a bumper sticker that says Mary Kay. He was about to freak out when I had to put the college parking decal and the work parking decal in the back of the car, which I gladly removed after it was all over.

    Oh and another thing. Do people realize that if they have a sticker that says “Baby on Board” they probably shouldn’t be going 20 miles over the speed limit? Cause they’ll get me praying and thanking God I’m still alive and was never part of that careless family.

    Great post!

  43. This is pretty funny, but here in Mexico this kind of family stick figure decal was a source of great debate and controversy a while ago. It turns out that several criminal gangs were using them as information to extort and blackmail people.

  44. I saw this bumper sticker today: “I {heart symbol} Fast Women.” Alrighty, then. Best part about it was that the thing was stuck on a SATURN. Really, buddy? Gonna catch a lotta “fast women” with that hot rod. Stupid.

  45. Very funny! I’m reminded of one of my recent fb posts:
    I know people are rightfully proud of their kids, but sometimes I’m tempted to have a bumper sticker made, saying: My child is a mediocre student and athlete at CR Elementary School!

    1. I would LOVE to see a bumper sticker like that. At last, some honestly glued to the rear-end of a car!

      Thanks for stopping by. I hope you come back and read some more of my crazy stuff again soon.

  46. I love this post! I just saw a car today with the little stick figures. It has a woman, and several animal stick figures. No kids, no significant other, just pets. I’m pretty sure I found the modern crazy old cat lady!

    1. Okay, now that’s perfect. A crazy cat lady bumper sticker advertising the fact that she’s a crazy cat lady, and apparently proud of it. Let’s see more of THOSE types of bumper stickers, please.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. I always love hearing about my readers related experiences. Turns out we’re not all that different, which is a really cool realization!

    1. And THANK YOU for stopping by and reading my blog…and for commenting. I appreciate you taking the time to do so, since I know we’re all busy in life. Your little bit of encouragement means a lot. 🙂

    1. Maybe I should get into the bumper sticker business! I have two kids coming up in college and I still have no idea where that tuition money is going to come from! Thanks for the encouragement!

      And thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope you come back in the future because if you liked this, you will love my twisted perspective on the other mundane things in life I lampoon. Pointing them out is how I stay sane. 😉

      1. I’m in my twenties and I live with my parents so my blog page is kind of an outlet (and an insight into why i teeter over the brink of sanity on occasion hahaaha). Keep up the good work! Would love it if you would stop by my blog page sometime for a read and a cooment 🙂

      2. Done! I went to your blog and read a couple of posts. Love it. I’m hooked. I signed up to follow you, so I definitely will be reading more. Thanks for the tip! And good luck with your blog.

  47. I really hate the Family Member Stickers. They are on every second car I see. But I must say I do love the Ass Family Stickers. I should get a “Poodle On Board” & “Chinese Crested Onboard” stickers for our car & a couple of Super Dooper Pooper stickers to put under each one for our dogs.

    1. Now a bumper sticker that says something like “My cockapoodle is a super duper pooper” would be appropriate. I can’t imagine your dog ever taking offense to that! (Unless, of course, he wasn’t a cockapoodle.)

      Thanks for reading my blog and commenting. Come back soon!

  48. Love this post! These family stickers are in plague proportions in Australia. Apparently I also need to know how many goldfish you own! I was considering getting one old woman sticker and then fill my back window with cat stickers. However, at $4 a pop I didn’t think the investment was worth the potential for laughs.

    1. I know, those bumper stickers can get quite expensive! I’d rather put the money toward getting my car professionally washed.

      It’s interesting that family stickers on cars are all the rage in Australia. I never would’ve guessed that. They’re big here, too, but not as much in Canada (at least I don’t notice them as much when I go up there).

      Who knows why people decorate their cars with messages. I think it’s because they just haven’t fully embraced Twitter yet!

      Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I really appreciate it!

  49. I absolutely loved this! It is so true! I saw one that said “My Child Did Some Shit That You Don’t Really Care About”. At least this one is a little more closer to reality. We often forget we are amazed at our children’s abilities, but the rest of the world may not be.

    I also wonder if certain bumper stickers have a tendency to get you pulled over by the local authorities more. Think about it. If you were a police officer, wouldn’t you be tempted to pull someone over with one of those pot leaf stickers or a bumper sticker that says “Uninsured” (yes, I have actually seen this one too and no insurance means no license where I am). I think that is like advertisement for please pull me over, you have a better chance of either a bust or writing me a ticket!

    1. That’s an interesting thought about if police pull over cars with bumper sticker they personally find offensive. After all, they (the police, I mean) are only human. Yet another good reason not to put any bumper stickers on your car at all (especially if they’re political).

      And thanks for your kind words about my post. I’m so glad you enjoyed and I hope you stop by again very soon! I promise I’ll always give you something fun to laugh at.

  50. I agree with the crux of what you’re saying but surely you gotta see the irony of someone writing an entire blog post (and a very eloquent one too) about people having no lives because they over-celebrate the mundane accomplishments of their kids, no? Seems like an impossibly inconsequential thing to get annoyed about.

    1. I TOTALLY see the irony in what you’re saying and I love it! Here I am spending MY time writing about people who spend THEIR time yakking about their kids mundane accomplishments by gluing them to the rear-ends of their cars. In a way, I give credence to it by documenting it, however, I just couldn’t resist the humor. I’ll do just about anything for a good joke. And fortunately, you not only appreciated the joke, but you were clever enough to see through to the paradox. 😀

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I really appreciate you reading my post and taking the time to comment. I love the dialogue this has incited. Who knew family bumper stickers could be such a hot topic!

      1. It’s one of those things people must see a lot and chuckle internally about, but one day someone writes a post like this and BAM! …. a global anti-bumper sticker movement arrives. 😉

    1. I know, the “Ass Family” thing totally cracks me up, especially since I live in Utah, where families are HUGE. So sometimes the stick figure families decals go all the way across the back end of a car! (Except they seldom call themselves the “Ass Family” here. Too bad.)

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m so glad you enjoyed it enough to comment! I hope you come back again. I have a lot of twisted (but always funny) perspectives that I think you might like. 😉

  51. Ha! Hilarious. I agree, don’t even have kids and find all that annoying. Super Duper Pooper sounds like a dietary issue. I live in a Mormon area, nothing against them but they have those stick figure things that go all the way across the back window of the giant minivan and includes the pets. Maybe I have a weird mind but a perv could just wait for the kids to go outside and say ” Hey Simon, I found your dog up the street, he’s injured, why don’t you get in the car and I will take you to him…” or something like that. TMI with that stuff. I also wonder why some crazy person never sawed the stilts off of those houses on the hillside in L.A.

    1. No, you don’t have a weird mind…I thought the same thing! As a parent, why would you want to advertise every living being in your household so that any unsavory type could start conversing with your kid on a personal level? They tell you NOT to put your kid’s name on his or her backpack for that very reason, SO INSTEAD you advertise your entire family on your car? Huh?

      Like you I live in a very Mormon area (Utah) so I see these bumper stickers all the time, too. They never cease to amuse and amaze me.

      Thanks for reading my blog and commenting. I’m sure you’re a busy person, so I really appreciate your time. 🙂

    1. Your father was a very wise man. 😉

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m so glad you enjoyed it and shared a comment. We’re ALL busy in life, so I really appreciate you taking the time to do both!

  52. I am new and am following you because, well, I am a mom of three boys that found myself living in a country club community (they clearly did not do their homework when they let me in) and driving a Suburban. My (doctor just to make it really cliche) husband insisted I get the “happy family” stickers, (more importantly a husband sticker) and line them up across the back window. They are like a dog marking the territory.
    There is a God and he has a wicked sense of humor because when the dealership delivered my shiny white Suburban the license plate randomly came with “WTF”. I drive it with my head held high, in the bible belt (transplant here) and a smirk. You have inspired my post today. If you get a minute please stop by my page. My goal is to give people a smile or a laugh with a quick story they can relate to. Would love if you read my post “I forgot to tell them not to stick their heads in the toilet” and “Aren’t you glad you only had to so that twice to get three kids?”

    1. Thanks for the tip. I will definitely check out those two posts that you mention in your comment above. I did read your most recent post about the prank you pulled on your husband and I love it! Gets the wheels turning in my head about how I can punk my own hubby (when he deserves it).

  53. Agreed! Advertising anything on a car is strange, whether kids or religion. Funny post, and thanks for the links to other funny posters!

    1. I’m so glad that you mentioned the links in my post. I have to say that Emily, from the blog THE WAITING was my inspiration for this blog post. I read her blog regularly and she’s a funny lady, too. Honestly, I get inspired by the blogs I follow and the comments I get (likek yours) on my own posts.

      Thank you so much for stopping by and reading my blog. I hope you come back in the future and read more. I have a laundry list of funny observations on the smallest things in life that I can’t wait to share with you!

    1. Wow, Jasmine, thank you SO MUCH for your comment. George Carlin is one of my all time favorite comedians and heros. To be compared to him totally makes my day! Now I’m going to go around today with an EXTRA inflated ego, thanks to you. 😉

      And thank you so much for reading my blog. I know there are literally hundreds of thousands of things to read on the Web, so the fact that you chose mine and commented on it means a lot to me. I hope you stop by again in the future for more of my twisted (but always funny) perspectives.

  54. My first thought upon seeing one of those European-style bumper stickers with the letters “OBX” was, “Why would anyone want to advertise themselves as obnoxious?” I’ve since been informed that it stands for the Outer Banks in North Carolina, but I still think “obnoxious” every time I see one.

    Great post; I laughed out loud several times while reading, which got me some strange looks from fellow coffee shop patrons. Congrats on being FP!

    1. Thanks! I was shocked when I saw my post on FP, but I was sure happy to see it!

      That OBX story you told is hilarious! Honestly, I’ve never seen an OBX bumper sticker, but if I did, I think I’d think the same thing you did! Thanks for clearing that up for me just in case!

      And thanks for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment. I hope you come back in the future. I promise I’m make you laugh in the coffee shop again (or at least giggle).

  55. Hilarious! Upon news that both my wife and best friend’s wife were pregnant at the same time, we began a stellar game of Gotcha! when I purchased a baby on board sticker and inconspicuously placed it on his bumper. The next day, I walked to my car to find the sticker had miraculously showed up on mine! And so it went for about 2 months. Man those things get on my nerves!

    1. My friends and I have been playing that same game for 20 years with a ceramic Buddha…that mysteriously keeps popping up in each others houses. But I think it would be more fun with bumper stickers because more people get to appreciate your prank!

      Hey, I checked out your blog and I love it. Thanks for leaving the link. I look forward to following you (on your blog, that is).

      Also, thanks for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.

    1. Thanks, Atomic Yeti, I’m honored that you reposted my blog! As a result, I went to YOUR blog and got a great laugh out of it myself! I signed up to follow and forwarded your link to several comedian friends. I love what you’re doing. Keep up the great work! (And thanks again.)

    1. Hey, at least that would weed out the wimps in your life, right? It’s truth in advertising right up front (if in fact she WAS a cranky lady).

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate your time!

    1. Why, thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and then leave a comment. We’re all busy, so the fact that you let me make you laugh means a lot to me. I hope you come back again in the future. I promise I’m make you laugh again. 😀

  56. I want a Super-dooper pooper sticker. And one that says “I quit playing Farmville long enough to load the dishwasher.” and a “I didn’t kill a stupid person today.”

    My happiest accomplishments to date.

    1. Honestly, if I saw a Super Duper Pooper sticker on a car driven by a middle-aged person, I’d just think they were bragging. And I’d be jealous.

      I’m glad you stopped by, I love your blog, too! And highly recommend it to anyone who reads this comment. 🙂

    1. That’s a great question. Actually, I had nothing to do with getting my blog on Freshly Pressed (the WordPress homepage). WordPress monitors and reads the blogs they host and then THEY decide which blog posts to feature on their homepage. WordPress never even told me they were going to feature me. The way I found out is that I started getting a bunch of congratulatory comments about being on Freshly Press (the WordPress homepage) so I went and checked it, and there I was. All I can recommend is that you keep writing and be patient.

  57. My child is an honor student at Tiny Tater Tots Preschool for the Gifted and Barely Verbal. LAUGHING MY ASS OFF. Actually, the whole post made me laugh my ass off. Love it!!!!

    1. Thank you so much! I’m so glad you laughed your ass off, except you may need your ass again later when you come back to my blog in the future and laugh your ass off again!

      I really appreciate you reading my blog and taking the time to comment. Means a lot to me. At the risk of being presumptuous, if you enjoy my blog you’ll love my book “Confessions of a Band Geek Mom,” which is more of the same, but in longer book chapter format. You can find it on Amazon at Also makes a great gift for anyone who enjoys reading funny stuff.

      Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you come back in the future.

  58. Those bumper stickers are kind of annoying. Plus, the “Baby on Board” is just putting a target on your car for child predators. “Here take mine because I have one on board!”

    1. I know and I totally agree. Another commenter said it was like providing a “take-out menu” for child predators. Funny, but painfully true! I don’t know what parents are thinking when they put those signs on their cars. Scary.

  59. I’m not a fan of the bumper stickers either, but if my seven-year-old daughter comes home proud of the sticker the principal gave her for making honor roll, you bet I’ll place it on my car for her.

    1. I know what you mean, when they’re little you want to do what ever you can to show that you’re proud of them. But if you do decide to put that bumper sticker on your car just make sure you can easily take it off later, because I guarantee you when she’s old enough to drive that car she’ll think that bumper sticker is dorky.

  60. I would never put a bumper sticker on my car but I thoroughly enjoy reading the entertaining ones. I saw one the other day that could’ve been the dumbest one Ive ever read before. It said “Save a plant- eat a vegetarian”.

    1. And if they had two dogs would they be Half & Half? (Hey, we should go on the road together!)

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I love a good joke. Thanks for making me smile!

  61. That was completely awesome. Also, I’ve always wanted to make add-ons for those stick figure family stickers, and then go around replacing individual stick figures on people’s cars. Like I dunno, replacing the mom figure with one that carries a cleaver or peeling off little Billy and replacing him with ax-wielding-psycho Billy. I’ve always wondered how long it would take people to notice if you subtly screwed up their bumper stickers.

    1. We could call you the Bumper Sticker Bandito! I love this idea. Yes, by all means lets put a cleaver in Mom’s hands. We’ll call her June Cleaver…oh wait, that’s been done. Anyway, still a great idea on your part.

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m so glad you enjoyed it and I hope you come back again soon!

    1. Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoy my posts. I hope you come back again in the future. I’m just chock full of ridiculous stuff that you might find amusing.

      Speaking of which, if you like my blog then you might also want to check out my funny book “Confessions of a Band Geek Mom.” It’s more of the same but in longer book format. Here’s the link on Amazon:

      Thanks again for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it so much!

  62. Normally I would read each and every comment, but I’m sick today. I just wanted to say, this is a great post.

    Also those little stick people “family” stickers usually make me laugh, like the one on a VW bug the other day that had 2 parents, 2 kids, a dog and a cat.

    How exactly do they get 4 people in there, let alone a dog and a cat?

    1. I know, right? I saw a big family sticker on a Smart Car. Really? You can barely fit two people in there, let alone kids and pets. It’s like a pregnant golf cart, for cryin’ out loud!

      Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I appreciate your time and hope you come back again in the future!

  63. Ahh yes, so true. Screwing up future generations, one smothered child at a time 🙂

    I’m with you on the realistic car signs.

    “I smother my child to ensure s/he will be dependable for the rest of their life”.

    “Honk if you think my child is the best!”

    “Over 40 and still living at home”

    1. I think “Screwing up future generations, one smother child at a time” would make a GREAT bumper sticker. And I love the other ones you suggest. I’m definitely calling you when I start my politically incorrect (AKA painfully honest) bumper sticker business!

  64. Very funny! I love to read bumper stickers…especially funny ones…the “baby on board” is old and tired…I liked David Letterman’s take years ago…”I saw a hearse with a little sign that read ‘Dead guy on board’!”

    1. I’ve often thought about covertly sticking a bumper sticker on a hearse that says: “Cruisin’ in my brass-handled sedan.” But I haven’t had the guts to do it.

      Thanks for your kind comment about my post. I appreciate you reading my blog and commenting. It means a lot to me! I hope you come back again in the future.

    1. No, there’s no bumper sticker for that, but let’s make one now. How about “I just peed myself reading your bumper sticker and now I’m sending you the cleaning bill”? Thanks for the inspiration!

      And I hope you weren’t wearing nice clothes when you read my blog. 😉

  65. A lot of those bumper stickers legit make me nervous. Sometimes I’m driving behind a car and the bumper stickers let me know where their children go to school, what sport they play, what their number is, and their name. That’s not information that I want to broadcast to everybody around town. Hello, people!? Where were you during stranger danger week in elementary school?? Now a psycho knows what school to find your kid at, which feild he’s practicing on, what number is on his back, and his name. It’s like people who broadcast all over facebook that their out of town and their home is ripe for burglurizing. Keep some stuff private.

    Gosh– I sound paranoid, don’t I? Too much Oprah and Nancy Grace during my pregnancy, I guess.

    1. No, you don’t sound paranoid at all! I thought the same thing and if you read through these comments a lot of other people voiced the same concern. Think about it, they tell you to never put your kid’s name on his or her backpack because then strangers can call them by name, but yet we put the ENTIRE family’s names (including the dog) on the back of your car! How dumb is that?

      Thanks for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it! And I hope you come by again in the future. I’m always good for a laugh.

      1. Ugh, right? Like… all all someone would have to do is go to the soccer field at Geroge Washington Middle School waltz up to Little Timmy wearing #8 and say: Oh my gosh Timmy, your mom was just in an accident! She was taking your golden retriever, Pickles, to the vet and her red volvo ran off the road, Come with me! She sent me because she needs your help.

        Bam. Kidnapped.

        I’ll definately be back to read more! Congrats again on being FP!

  66. Perhaps it’s the children of these proud super pooper parents who grow up to put Truck Nutz (you know, balls) on the back of their trucks? That would explain so much.

    Great post. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

    1. Oh, don’t even get me started on the Truck Nutz. Seriously? Why don’t they also strap on a pair breasts on the headlights?

      Remember when a car was used just for getting around? I’m convinced the bumper stick people are those who haven’t figured out Twitter or Facebook yet. Bumper stickers are soooooo 20th century. 😉

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I hope you come back in the future.

  67. Great Post! Bumper stickers are hilarious, but being from the midwest we see people with bumper stickers from 10 years ago on cars with 20 more next to it so that the only thing you see on the back end is bumper stickers. Imagine what it was like to be the first guy to come up with that. Probably went around slapping them on cars like a kick-me sign.

    1. I know what you mean. In Southern Utah you see people with tons of old bumper stickers on the cars. Not that long ago I saw an old pick-up with a Clinton-Gore bumper sticker. I swear the only thing holding the bumper on the car was a lot of rust and that bumper sticker!

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I hope you come back again in the future. I’m always good for a laugh!

  68. i debated getting a “would you drive better with that cell phone shoved…” bumper sticker but i thought it would clash with the one advertising my retreat business. At least bumper stickers get us to read, laugh and sometimes think, my personal pet peeve are the decals of someone pissing on something else.

  69. I love most things, but I HATE bumper stickers. I have seen a couple here that say “Co-exist” and on the same car they typically say “Vegans do it best or My political party is better than yours.” I don’t think that is Co-existing peacefully if you compare yourselves to others.


    1. I totally agree! The political ones are the worst because as someone else pointed out in another comment, you’re going to anger a good percentage of the people who read your political bumper sticker no matter what it says!

  70. I’m not big into sharing personal details about myself on my car. “This is how many people are in my house. This is where I hide the spare key to my house. This is how much money is in my pocket RIGHT NOW.” I do want to put a flying spaghetti monster decal on my car as I think it’s cute and funny.

    1. Okay, a flying spaghetti monster decal on a car is downright cool. Anything that makes people scratch their heads and go, “Wait, what?” is the bomb. And I think it would be cute, too!

  71. FINALLY someone else who HATES those annoying bumper stickers. I hate the families, esp when the dad is superman (really dude your driving a van with a family sticker on the back?). Thanks for sharing, made me smile!

    1. I know! The only thing worse than a family bumper sticker on a family van is a family bumper sticker on a sports car. I saw one of those on an old Porsche 911. Really? You defile that beautiful car with a bunch of stick figures? Let’s see how Dad feels when the teenagers ask to borrow his Porsche to go joy riding one night. I bet the cop will get a good laugh when he pulls the kids over and see that family bumper sticker.

      Thanks for reading my blog and commenting. I really appreciate it!

  72. What do you mean “In French it’s even more pretentious”?
    The French “Bébé à bord” is the most basic, mundane bumper sticker that there could be (translation “Baby on Board” in case there is any misunderstanding).
    It serves its purpose in the most basic way: “hey, I got a baby/kid in the car, so keep your security distance!”
    It isn’t to brag about children, it is a security measure that (some) parents take to avoid crazy drivers approaching the car.
    It is no where near the ridicule of the “Super Duper Pooper” and I have yet to see any “My child is an honor student at blablabla” in France.

    1. A “Bebe a bord” (sorry, I don’t have the accent e accent grave or accent egu on my keyboard) bumper sticker is not pretentious in France because you all speak French! But here I’m afraid it’s beyond pretentious.

      Also, I’m afraid that hardly anyone slows down or gives you space around your car if you have a “Baby on Board” bumper sticker. You would think they would (slow down) but they really don’t. Americans are pretty weird drivers.

  73. I agree. I don’t see the point in having a baby on board sign in a car. If someone is driving dangerously, they are not going to see that baby on board sign and be like, “oooo, i best calm down my bad driving becase there is a baby in that car”, if someone s driving badly that sign is not going to stop them, I doubt they would even notice it.

    What do parents really think that sign is actually going to do???

    1. I totally agree. I have the Roadrunner image of speeding toward the BoB car, then screeeetching to a halt, tip-toeing around the car, then speeding off. Not the case in real life, as you pointed out.

    2. So true! A “Baby On Board” bumper sticker does not make ANYONE slow down! It just advertises that you have a baby, which really is not a good (or safe) idea. Honestly, I don’t know what people are thinking when they put those things on their cars. I think people who use bumper stickers are just frustrated Twitter users. 😉

      1. I hope that perhaps other people buy the stickers for the new parents and the new parents feel obligated to use it.

        I have not spawned any offspring as yet, but I hope when I do that I do not feel the need to advertise my achomplishment with a sign in car back window.

        Frustrated twitter users – love it! 🙂

  74. Your comments are SOOOO true!!!! Just yesterday a friend and I were riding around saying how sick and tired we are of the little stick figure people on the back windshield of cars!!! LOVED your “Ass” family demonstration.

    1. Yes, I do believe the family bumper stick thing is a fad that has run its course. If we’re going to deface the back ends of our cars, we need to do it cleverly, as with the “Ass” family. At least then we can laugh when we see these, instead of roll our eyes.

      Thanks reading my post and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate your feedback and hope you stop by again soon!

    1. A definite thumbs up! Anyone who reads this should absolutely go check out Marvelously Mundane’s excellent post on having it all! The link is in the comment above. Enjoy!

      And thanks, Kcerise, for stopping by and reading my blog. I really appreciate the comment (and the link to your blog). Please come back in the future!

  75. There is a woman who drives a SUV in my neighborhood that has the Family Car Decals of a woman in a wedding dress, a large question mark, and two small question marks. I am not sure if I should laugh or feel sorry for her.

    1. Ouch! That bumper sticker is actually a little dark–funny, but dark. Since she chose to put in on the back of her car let’s assume we’re supposed to laugh with her and not at her.

    1. Thank you so much! Yes, I think we can safely say that just about everyone has had it with the “My kid is better than your kid” advertisements on the back of the family van. Unless your bumper sticker is so clever that it makes me LOL when I’m stuck in traffic then I really don’t want to waste my time reading it!

      1. Yes. Exactly. No wonder children are so entitled. We’ve made it a national sport to make children think they are the center of the universe, a-la bumper stickers touting their superiority to other children.

  76. Even better, Bumper Stickers to warn other drives of your bad driving habits! Imagine the possibilities!
    ~Driver doesn’t like turn singles!
    ~Caution, this car will make several false attempts before actually turning.
    ~I’m from out of state, and HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I’M GOING!
    ~I practice safe driving… By breaking half a mile before the red light.
    ~Teenage driver, will gesture rudely while passing you on the highway.

  77. Those are too good! Talk about truth in advertising. If I ever start a bumper sticker business I’m definitely calling you. You’ve got the gift when it comes to clever bumper stickers that I’d want to read while stuck in traffic. (Plus, those would give me the heads up as to which drivers I need to stay the hell away from.)

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