I’ve actually been up in that tower several times
My limited time with my dad was precious. And even though he was
Jun 16
Dad Was (Thankfully) Unconventional
Jun 13
Broken Tailbone Adventures Continue
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have a broken tailbone. Not the most glamorous of injuries, but I have to admit it’s a great non-starter if I want people to leave me alone while getting my mail at the post office.
Person at PO whose name I can’t remember: Hey Stacy, long time, no see. How’s it going?
Me: Well, I have a broken tailbone. You wanna see?
PAPOWNICR: Nope. Gotta run. Left the kids in my illegally parked car with the windows rolled up.
Some people will do anything to get out of seeing my cracked ass.
Jun 05
Graduation Advice to the Daughter I Never Had
Last Monday night I had the wonderful opportunity to give the keynote address at the Park City Woman’s Athenaeum Club Mother-Daughter Tea honoring the 2013 graduation of Park City High‘s young women seniors. Usually the speaker is an alumnus or alumni mom (neither of which I am), so I was surprised (yet honored) when I was asked to speak.
I found out they chose me because this year they wanted a little levity in the graduation address, and I was more than happy to oblige. But even though I spoke humorously for 30 minutes, I took a few moments at the end to talk woman-to-woman to these young ladies, just as I would my own daughter—if I had one.
May 28
I Came Back From NYC Walking Funny
NYC JFK Airtrain: This is how you avoid that nasty Van Wyck Pwky (when you’re too cheap to cab it to the airport)
Last week I shared some adventures that my younger son, Quinn, and I had while we were in New York following his older brother on a band tour. Before I lay that chapter to rest, I just have to share one more NYC incident, because it’s so ridiculous it seems like it came straight from an old I Love Lucy episode.
Due to the fact I don’t want to coddle my kids (and because I’m notoriously cheap) I told Quinn that we’d take the Long Island Railroad (AKA the LIRR for New Yorkers in the know) to JFK instead of a cab or car service. This meant in order to catch a 10:55 a.m. flight we had to get up at 6:30 a.m., walk a couple of blocks to the 50th Street 1, 2, 3 red line subway stop, take that downtown to Penn Station, where we’d catch the 7:39 LIRR train to Jamaica station, and then connect with the Airtrain to get to the Delta ticket counter in Terminal 3 at JFK. All while carrying luggage.
May 24
Mother-Son Bonding One Neurotic Moment at a Time
The Carnegie Hall poster for The Crescent Super Band
If you’re friends with me on Facebook (And if you’re not, what’s wrong with you? “Friend” me right now!) you know that my oldest son, Derrick, played this week at Carnegie Hall with jazz sax legend David Sanborn. At age 17 Derrick’s the lead alto sax player in the pro big band, Caleb Chapman’s Crescent Super Band, and they did a New York tour.
Being that I feel music trumps just about any other subject in school, I did the responsible thing and took my younger son, Quinn (who is a HS freshman) out of school, so that he could join me in following the Crescent Super Band like a couple of Dead Heads stalking Jerry Garcia and company.
But as cool as it is to watch my oldest, who isn’t even old enough to vote yet, command one of the most prestigious stages in history with one of the best sax players on the planet, that’s not what this post is about. For the first time my youngest and I got to embark upon a trip, just the two of us, that led to several Paper Moon moments, during which it was sometimes hard to tell which one of us was the responsible adult.
May 15
My Perfect Date: SWM With a Strong Stomach and an Ironic Sense of Humor
This does not guarantee you won’t have to date again someday (BTW, what the hell are they doing?)
Being divorced for almost a year now, I’ve been asked by more than one online dating website to try out their services for free and then document the resulting zany adventures on my blog. I’ve yet to take advantage of these anomalous, yet generous, offers. Not because I have an ethical standard that prohibits me from dragging innocent victims into my public sphere of wackiness (anyone is fair game, just ask my kids), but rather because I “date” just about as well as I’d perform an emergency appendectomy on you if your appendix burst while we were on the dance floor doing the Hustle. In other words, start making those funeral arrangements now.
I was married for two decades and some change. And one of the perks of matrimony, I thought, was
May 08
How You Know When A Guy’s Not Gay
Oh hell no, that’s not gay at all (???)
But if you’ve been living in a sewer for the past couple of years and don’t have cable or Internet TV, let me bring you up to speed. A Shake Weight is a wiggly, little barbell that you grasp with both hands in front of your chest, and then pump up and down like you’re jerking off a bionic dick. The Shake Weight has a spring in it, the idea being that the torque from the jerking off action provides counterweight to the movement, thus causing muscle fatigue in your arms, chest and shoulders.
May 01
Movies That Inspire My Kind of Chick Flick
I admit Ryan Gosling is hot
Last weekend a friend suggested we download and watch the movie The Notebook, which is based on the book of the same name by Nicholas Sparks. Even though the book was a bestseller and the movie ended up being a popular chick flick, I had the same reaction to this suggestion as if my friend had proposed we order out for monkey brains right after we shaved the cat.
Eww. No, thanks. (Insert grossed out expression here.)
The suggestion was doubly perplexing because my friend is a guy and usually you have to drag guys to movies like The Notebook by either threatening them with death or bribing them with sex. I did neither. Instead I graciously asked him to pick something else. And added that if the next words out of his mouth were Steel Magnolias I’d have to revoke his man card.
Apr 25
The Ghost of TV Past
Look how fat these things were!
Last year I wrote a blog post about how I love to shop in thrift stores. Well, the other day I was in a Deseret Industries in Salt Lake, which is the Mormon version of Good Will, when I noticed a humungous, 50-inch, old-fashioned, analog, tube TV on display among a sea of iPods and baby flat screens. What the hell? Who is going to buy that big-ass, ugly thing? It was so out of place it looked like somebody’s grandma had crashed a rave. You couldn’t even give it the “shabby chic” treatment and repurpose it into some useless ornamental doodad that sells at overpriced art festivals. Could you imagine this beast as a toilet paper caddy? Not unless your bathroom was the size of an end zone.
Apr 22
Mother Bloggers Tackles the Big Questions and Mommy Guilt
Mother Bloggers is at home on channel 7 of FirstRun.tv
Have you had the big talk with your kids yet? And no, I’m not talking about getting them to explain to you how the PS-3 you already own can be used in place of an expensive DVR-blueray player. (Although if you haven’t had that discussion yet, you should. It can save you hundreds of dollars.) No, I’m talking about the birds and the bees. At some point, every parent has to go through that uncomfortable lecture about where babies come. Or you could just do like our parents did and hope your kids pick up the concept by osmosis on the playground…or in our case, the Internet. Or better yet, just let them watch a season of South Park and they’re good to go.
On the latest episode of Mother Bloggers (the funny mom talk show I’m on—keep up, people) we tackle the big questions kids ask, which, in addition to sex, includes
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